Volume 1, Issue 12, Janaury 2009

Caroline Burr
If you like this, you'll love my other articles:
Visit Our Archive Here

www.yourrelationshipcoach.co.uk

Problems viewing this article?
View An Online Version

Related Workshops:

"So, now you're a family..."

A Relationship Workshop

for New Mums

Run by Caroline Burr

An informal and supportive place to explore what becoming a mother

means to you and its impact on your relationship with your partner.

On: Wed 25th March
or Fri 24th April

At: 10-11.30am in Eton Wick

Cost: £10 - limited to 6 mums per session

Babies under 1 are welcome

Call: 01753 771575 for more

After the initial session, you can sign up for

monthly follow on sessions on related topics.

Testimonials

"As a new mum returning to work in a new job, Caroline provided me with much needed space to breathe and focus. When I look back now at my first session I realise what a challenging and overwhelming place I was in and how much Caroline helped me to untangle the different parts of my life. Our sessions helped me to find clarity, inner focus and most importantly, myself. I gained confidence in myself and my abilities in the workplace, and also came to understand how being someone's mum could become part of being me."
Liz, Marketing Consultant, wife & mum

"Caro is one of the most skilled coaches I've come across. Her style is swift, intelligent and insightful. I received coaching on a tricky professional/personal relationship dilemma and she helped me gain new depths of understanding - both about the relationships involved and with regards patterns playing themselves out elsewhere in my life. Caro is unafraid of challenging, provoking, taking a deep breath and saying the unsayable, which paradoxically had me feel very safe. She has a deep respect for the relationships brought to her and holds them deeply and sensitively. Relationship coaching can be prickly because relationships are so precious to us, and so her fiercely gentle approach is a breath of fresh air. I have already recommended her to several others and will continue to do so."
Corrina Gordon-Barnes, You Inspire Me Coaching, www.youinspireme.co.uk

I want to thank you so much for the work we have done together. I have really enjoyed the process and I think you are fantastic at what you do! I can't believe how much I have learnt in a short space of time. You have a real gift.
Heloise, Singer

Part of

Do you know someone who would be interested in receiving our newsletter? Feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone you may think interested.

Romcoms Impact on Intimacy

I was very happy to read an article in Metro called 'Real love is not all about romcom laughs' by Bel Jacobs. Why? Because it's great to see articles in everyday press challenging the romantic vision of 'love' and relationships, and encouraging people to look beyond it, particularly when they are amusing and perceptive.

She asks "Where are the simmering resentments, the decade-long misunderstandings, the belching and breaking of wind?" Romcoms are by their very nature a neat, easy and endearing portrayal of relationship, rather than the more challenging reality where recovering from disappointment is tough and ultimately deeply rewarding. They reinforce an old fairytale that suggests every woman is destined to being rescued by a strong and dependable man. Shrek 3 comes to mind (you can tell I've got a 3yr old!) where Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are in jail and 'assume positions' waiting for someone else to act and save them.

Bel based the article on psychologists' research that showed romcoms give viewers unrealistic expectations about relationships. "Many believed that the 'perfect union' - in which all desires are recognised, that sex is always perfect, that love is effortless - was not only achievable but predestined." No wonder watching lots of them might 'ruin love lives'. Romcoms hook into a woman's need to feel special, and I believe it is this deep yearning that draws us to watch them, despite the widening gap between them and the reality of relationship we know and experience as we grow up and grow older. Whilst logically most of us know they are not real, emotionally we may hold onto the fantasy to avoid facing the fact that someone else can't be the answer to our happiness; that we have to take responsibility for ourselves.

Romcoms solely focus on the attraction and 'in love' phase, leaving you at the end of chapter one and two thinking that that's it and "happily ever after". I struggle to think of films that capture the later stages of a healthy relationship, where the intimacy has deepened, and a couple is able to enjoy and laugh at their differences, though I know there are some. 'On Golden Pond' springs to mind, but please share the ones you think of and I will create a list.

It made me stop to think about what else impacts our vision of love and relationship, and to realise soaps play a large part in many people's lives. Whilst they are based on ordinary lives, and there are couples who represent solid, long-term relationships, they include much drama and individuals, couples and families acting out. This 'childish' acting out/behaviour where individuals take no responsibility for their actions or impact appears to create the excitement and variety and imply the rest is mundane. How does this affect expectations? Does it create an expectation or desire for higher levels of drama? And even encourage people to act out and create it, however unconsciously?

I am obviously not against entertainment and can be seen with my box of tissues, popcorn and romcom letting go of all reality with the best of them, though admit more realistic films are more enjoyable especially now I'm in a long-term relationship experiencing the greater fulfilment of intimacy over the desire for the fantasy. However, I care passionately about the message we hear as we grow up and learn to live in relationship, and want people to have an alternative vision other than the unrealistic fantasy. Part of my motivation in writing this newsletter is to tell a different, very real and ultimately more rewarding relationship story. To help change the expectations we put on our partners and relationships, and explore how we can be happier within them.

For anyone interested, here's an additional article I've written for our local NCT publication: 'Miscarriage - a common yet often hidden experience'

Wishing you all a 2009 full of depth and intimacy,

About This Newsletter and About Your Subscription

You are subscribed as:

If you want to change your email address or unsubscribe, click the link at the very bottom.

PREVIOUS ISSUES.
Visit Our Archive Here

PRIVACY and SPAM POLICY: I never rent, trade or sell my email list to anyone for any reason whatsoever.
You'll never get an unsolicited email from a stranger as a result of joining this list.

TO SUBSCRIBE FREE:
Send a blank email to Inspring@Aweber.com


Volume 1, Issue 12, Janaury 2009
Caroline Burr If you like this, you'll love my other articles: Visit Our Archive Here www.yourrelationshipcoach.co.uk Problems viewing this article? View An Online Version Related Workshops: "So, now you're a family..." A Relationship Workshop for New Mums Run by Caroline Burr An informal and supportive place to explore what becoming a mother means to you and its impact on your relationship with your partner. On: Wed 25th March or Fri 24th April At: 10-11.30am in Eton Wick Cost: £10 - limited to 6 mums per session Babies under 1 are welcome Call: 01753 771575 for more After the initial session, you can sign up for monthly follow on sessions on related topics. Testimonials "As a new mum returning to work in a new job, Caroline provided me with much needed space to breathe and focus. When I look back now at my first session I realise what a challenging and overwhelming place I was in and how much Caroline helped me to untangle the different parts of my life. Our sessions helped me to find clarity, inner focus and most importantly, myself. I gained confidence in myself and my abilities in the workplace, and also came to understand how being someone's mum could become part of being me." Liz, Marketing Consultant, wife & mum "Caro is one of the most skilled coaches I've come across. Her style is swift, intelligent and insightful. I received coaching on a tricky professional/personal relationship dilemma and she helped me gain new depths of understanding - both about the relationships involved and with regards patterns playing themselves out elsewhere in my life. Caro is unafraid of challenging, provoking, taking a deep breath and saying the unsayable, which paradoxically had me feel very safe. She has a deep respect for the relationships brought to her and holds them deeply and sensitively. Relationship coaching can be prickly because relationships are so precious to us, and so her fiercely gentle approach is a breath of fresh air. I have already recommended her to several others and will continue to do so." Corrina Gordon-Barnes, You Inspire Me Coaching, www.youinspireme.co.uk I want to thank you so much for the work we have done together. I have really enjoyed the process and I think you are fantastic at what you do! I can't believe how much I have learnt in a short space of time. You have a real gift. Heloise, Singer Part of Do you know someone who would be interested in receiving our newsletter? Feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone you may think interested.		Romcoms Impact on Intimacy I was very happy to read an article in Metro called 'Real love is not all about romcom laughs' by Bel Jacobs. Why? Because it's great to see articles in everyday press challenging the romantic vision of 'love' and relationships, and encouraging people to look beyond it, particularly when they are amusing and perceptive. She asks "Where are the simmering resentments, the decade-long misunderstandings, the belching and breaking of wind?" Romcoms are by their very nature a neat, easy and endearing portrayal of relationship, rather than the more challenging reality where recovering from disappointment is tough and ultimately deeply rewarding. They reinforce an old fairytale that suggests every woman is destined to being rescued by a strong and dependable man. Shrek 3 comes to mind (you can tell I've got a 3yr old!) where Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are in jail and 'assume positions' waiting for someone else to act and save them. Bel based the article on psychologists' research that showed romcoms give viewers unrealistic expectations about relationships. "Many believed that the 'perfect union' - in which all desires are recognised, that sex is always perfect, that love is effortless - was not only achievable but predestined." No wonder watching lots of them might 'ruin love lives'. Romcoms hook into a woman's need to feel special, and I believe it is this deep yearning that draws us to watch them, despite the widening gap between them and the reality of relationship we know and experience as we grow up and grow older. Whilst logically most of us know they are not real, emotionally we may hold onto the fantasy to avoid facing the fact that someone else can't be the answer to our happiness; that we have to take responsibility for ourselves. Romcoms solely focus on the attraction and 'in love' phase, leaving you at the end of chapter one and two thinking that that's it and "happily ever after". I struggle to think of films that capture the later stages of a healthy relationship, where the intimacy has deepened, and a couple is able to enjoy and laugh at their differences, though I know there are some. 'On Golden Pond' springs to mind, but please share the ones you think of and I will create a list. It made me stop to think about what else impacts our vision of love and relationship, and to realise soaps play a large part in many people's lives. Whilst they are based on ordinary lives, and there are couples who represent solid, long-term relationships, they include much drama and individuals, couples and families acting out. This 'childish' acting out/behaviour where individuals take no responsibility for their actions or impact appears to create the excitement and variety and imply the rest is mundane. How does this affect expectations? Does it create an expectation or desire for higher levels of drama? And even encourage people to act out and create it, however unconsciously? I am obviously not against entertainment and can be seen with my box of tissues, popcorn and romcom letting go of all reality with the best of them, though admit more realistic films are more enjoyable especially now I'm in a long-term relationship experiencing the greater fulfilment of intimacy over the desire for the fantasy. However, I care passionately about the message we hear as we grow up and learn to live in relationship, and want people to have an alternative vision other than the unrealistic fantasy. Part of my motivation in writing this newsletter is to tell a different, very real and ultimately more rewarding relationship story. To help change the expectations we put on our partners and relationships, and explore how we can be happier within them. For anyone interested, here's an additional article I've written for our local NCT publication: 'Miscarriage - a common yet often hidden experience' Wishing you all a 2009 full of depth and intimacy,

About This Newsletter and About Your Subscription You are subscribed as: If you want to change your email address or unsubscribe, click the link at the very bottom. PREVIOUS ISSUES. Visit Our Archive Here PRIVACY and SPAM POLICY: I never rent, trade or sell my email list to anyone for any reason whatsoever. You'll never get an unsolicited email from a stranger as a result of joining this list. TO SUBSCRIBE FREE: Send a blank email to Inspring@Aweber.com