I choose the bike ride (AND a piece of exceptionally good chocolate)

Scene 2: Sitting at a local cafe listening to the birds sing and feeling the breeze as I write on a napkin.

There are times when we push to do what needs to be done and ignore our needs and feelings. The result is a backlash of exhaustion and anger, and a need for space to express the built up emotion, to be and reflect, and probably to be creative and feel physically refreshed. But why do we sometimes need to push ourselves to the edge and anger to give ourselves what we need? Can we start to introduce new habits that help?

One of the most helpful and healthy things we can learn in life is how to look after ourselves. Yet this secret to happiness is not easy. We tend to get stuck at one or many of the following steps.

1) Identify what you need and want
2) Express these needs and wants, both to yourself 
    and others
3) Give what you need or want to yourself, or
    specifically ask for it from someone
4) Receive what you need or want

Life evolves and so do our needs, so it's easy to feel that just when we're getting clear, a transition in life takes us back to step one. It might be something major like going self-employed, getting married, having a baby, illness, or retiring, or it may be something more subtle that shifts.

I am learning that in an upbringing based on 'being strong' and 'pulling yourself together' that it's not surprising I struggle with being vulnerable and taking care of myself. Knowing that its normal, and that some of the messages we receive as children affect us as adults, helps. It doesn't mean that I can't change what I tell myself, and shift how I feel, and I do, but sometimes I just can't. Sometimes I hit a very familiar brick wall. Yes, it's a myth life coached have it all sorted! The thing is these walls are important - they remind us how far we've come, and what we need to continue to explore if we are to be ourselves and feel more whole. They keep us learning about how to mother ourselves.

Mothering yourself might sound a very odd concept, particularly for men, but it captures the idea that part of us is able to nurture and care for the rest of us, especially the part that feels like a child. In relationships, one of our major challenges is to look after ourselves rather than handing this responsibility over to our partners. Otherwise we just become a child seeking mummy or daddy - not adult, attractive or sustainable!

What does looking after yourself look like?

I see it as anything that we need for our mind, body or soul to thrive and feel whole, so it's incredibly varied and personal. Here are a few ideas, along certain themes that seem to repeat for people.

There are no rules, just listen to yourself and your needs... and know it may change with time.

Enjoy experimenting,