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Related
Workshops:
'Gender &
Identity',
'Sexuality & Ground'
24-25th Jan &
21-22nd Feb
or email genderpsychology@btinternet.com. Led by Helena Løvendal and Nick Duffell, a husband and wife
team. Great for counsellors and coaches, but also open to anyone
interested in understanding more.
Testimonials
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me to achieve. The feeling of contentment and the ability to get away from
the battle that was raging in my head every day is so enormously valuable
to me."
Duncan -
Investment Banker, husband & father
"Caroline's direct, open and empathic
approach was exactly what I needed to explore my reactions and feelings
about the changes in my life. She helped me articulate and understand long
standing issues, and I feel better equipped to deal with the next chapter
of my life."
Marie, Business
Development Manager & wife
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The Season of
Giving and Receiving
As I buy some final Christmas presents, I
am aware of the challenges we can face giving and receiving. For example,
I still find it easier to give than to receive. When I married, I was
amazed at the amount we received; from parents helping pay for our
wedding, hen party gifts to wedding gifts from so many family and friends.
It might sound mad, but having been bought up to make do and not want what
I couldn't have, it was hard to enjoy it and feel it was OK to receive so
much. Thankfully, I found ways to let go and revelled in the new
experience that becoming a Burr brought with it!
Over the last year I have been experiencing
a whole new level of receiving. During the summer I suffered with bad
morning sickness followed by a late miscarriage, and needed to ask family
and friends for emotional support and help to look after our son over a
period of 3-4months. This meant not only receiving but asking for what I
needed and on an ongoing basis - a real challenge and very uncomfortable
at times. Far beyond gifts, this meant being vulnerable and taking a risk
in many relationships in my life, often without any idea what the reaction
would be.
I realised I still had a tally system in my
head trying to balance up what I gave and received, and also that I saw
doing something for someone as more valuable than being with them in their
emotion (yes.. ironic given the latter is at the heart of my work.. and
also what I yearn for in my life). Of course there was no way I could give
much during that time so I've been working through not feeling guilty,
accepting when people offered help they meant it and trying to truly
receive rather than apologise and push people away. The overall outcome is
that I have much deeper and more intimate relationships with many friends
and there have also been shifts within my family. A positive and wonderful
realisation.
I hope that in sharing this it helps you
reflect on your experience of giving and receiving, and how you value
others doing things vs being with your emotion. Perhaps there are risks
you could take to deepen a friendship by daring to share more of your
deeper feelings. And believe me, I know its scary!
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and
a Happy New Year,
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